Hi Kalin! Your website looks lovely! Just a quick note to let you know to add a label "Comment Wall" to this post so that it will show up in your navigation and people will be able to find it easily. :-)
The first thing I want to say is that the illustration on the home page of your Storybook is really beautiful! The use of detail and lighting is phenomenal. I will say though, the little girl hiding behind Titania looks really out of place. She is almost cartoon like against the other figures. I wonder why she was depicted s differently. You made a good choice in selecting this picture. Your introduction did a really nice job of preparing the reader for your stories to come. It definitely had me interested in knowing what happens to the children that are taken and those who seem different. It also makes me wonder why these magical beings disappeared and are now suddenly reemerging! I really hope that question will get answered in one of your stories. Great job! I’m interested to see what stories you will be telling through the course of the rest of the semester!
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reply! This painting illustrates a scene from Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream. The dark skinned character is actually an abducted Indian child replaced by a changeling. In this scene, Titania is refusing to hand over the child to Oberon.
I chose your story to read because I like the name Jamie, which is a good thing I read it because it is a really good story. I do feel like you might be able to elaborate more on the creatures like the Fae and Banshee. If you could give a deeper description, it could give us a mental image while we read. This is something you could do in the stories to follow, so its ok to leave the descriptions out in the introduction. I know banshees are supposed to be really horrifying creatures, so giving vivid descriptions in the following stories can really give us a scary mental image of how they look like.
I really look forward to reading your stories because I like to read stories about creatures like banshees. I also look forward to seeing what Jamie has to do to find the missing children.
I really liked the photo that you included on the homepage of your Storybook site. It goes well with the layout and the story itself. I think you made a good choice with that. On the intro, I noticed a small error. It was in the sentence that started “While Jamie's life may not have been the lavish.” I really like the use of the word “nary.” It went well with the vibe of the story. Another suggestion I have is to change the spacing. The line spacing within the paragraphs are fine, but there are huge chunks of space between the paragraphs. Again, I think that you made a good choice with the image. The image on the introduction fits really well with the rest of the site and the general color scheme. I wish it was at the top of the page though. It seems a bit hidden at the bottom of the page.
Hey Kalin, I thought you did an amazing job. Your introduction had me hooked. It was rather spooky, but in a way that will captivate your audience. I was very interested in where your story was going and couldn't stop reading. I liked how you used old time-y words in your story. This added more of a connection to the time the story took place. Your images are also awesome. The one of the little boy encountering a mystical creature perfectly summed up your story. And the other image was gorgeous.
I sure do love me a good mystery to solve! While reading the introduction I was thinking to myself how interesting it was, and the descriptions helped make that possible. "Nary a day passed that he didn’t" I wasn't sure if you wanted to change that or not, and then I looked it up to make sure it was not a misspelling. Not sure if it is just me or if there will be more people who think that. I liked the colors of the website, and the font was easy to read. I think the simpler things are the more you can focus on the stories being told. The little boy in the picture you chose is perfect. He looks to me like he is really curious and wants to know more from the lady. I really look forward to reading some of the stories, and finding out how they solve the mystery.
I am really impressed with your storybook so far! Your writing style is extremely well suited for the subject matter, as was your word choice throughout. I particularly liked the first paragraph introducing the main character. You painted a wonderful image of a happy, well-loved little boy in a very subtle and sophisticated way. This description was juxtaposed nicely with the image of the troubles afflicting the village. You detailed what was going on without giving too much away, making me even more interested in what comes next. There were a couple of missing commas, but you may have been doing that for stylistic purposes. The only other thing I would consider changing is the line about sailors disappearing. You follow that with “even more unsettling were the disappearances”, which just seems slightly repetitive since you already mentioned some of them. You could probably change it to deaths of the sailors or disappearances in the village (as opposed to on the sea)—that would eliminate some of the repetitive feel. Overall, really nicely done!
I would have thought your name was Garret also from the title of your storybook. Makes more since now after reading your author's note about you writing these stories for your son. To me it is so cool that you are writing your stories so your son can read them later and be able to relate to some of the people. Now to the story, I think you did an awesome job detailing everything. You set the story up perfectly for more stories to follow. The words you used that were not every day words just added to the story that much more. The only thing I would look at changing is how close you have the sentences together since they are all on separate lines. I am looking forward to reading part 2, and the end of the storybook also to see if and how Conner is found. I am assuming he is found just because you said Jamie is the hero in the author’s note.
Kalin! First of all, I can’t believe I haven’t stumbled onto any of your stories yet this semester; it’s crazy to think that even after ten weeks I still haven’t read through all of the blogs/portfolios/storybooks. Next, I was really touched by your storybook. It is so touching that you have dedicated the whole storybook to your son and the hope that one day he will come to read it and appreciate all of the work you put into its creation. I think there comes a point in everyone’s life when they need to be reaffirmed by those who hold dear becomes prominent. Everyone goes through hard times and I think your son will really appreciate this when that time comes. Beyond that, your storybook is incredibly well thought out and designed. I loved all of the pictures you chose—how ethereal and mystical they all looked—as well as really enjoyed ho the story flowed together with all of the mystical implications of both fairies and monsters. Great job!
I really appreciate how thought out your stories are. It is also adorable that you are writing them for your son for when he is older. I really liked how you divided certain stories up, it made it easier to read. You are an awesome writer. Your descriptions are great and really paint a picture for your audience to follow along. Your son is very lucky to have a parent that does this for him. Your picture choices are amazing. I am fascinated and intrigued by all of them. Keep up the awesome work and I can't wait to see what you come up with next!
All I can really say is yes! I loved your introduction and first story a ton. You break up the text so well with or without pictures. I like that because I have trouble reading line to line of text pushed together. I actually am not sure how that became the predominant form of writing.
Anyway, Your pictures were great too! The animals and settings you displayed gave me great visuals in my head to think about how the scene was happening.
Oh and your titles for each section were awesome too! I would read them and then instantly think "I wonder what that means will happen?"
So, overall I give your creativity and A for sure. I say this because when I was reading I was thinking of how I might be able to use some of your techniques in my writing. So, thank you and great job on your story> I know was mostly about visual stuff, but the story was great too!
I really enjoyed the way you provided Persephone’s thoughts. It is a nice way to give commentary that definitely adds to the story. I found it interesting that you portrayed her as lonely and bored, but not necessarily as unhappy. You pose the question, “why would anyone come here?” Seeing that made me really makes me wonder how they got there as well. It seems like something interesting to explore. It caught my attention that you used a different spelling. I’ve never seen the ferryman’s name as “Kharon.” I found it really interesting that Persephone couldn’t help Psyche get past Cerberus. It made me wonder why. There aren’t very many mistakes, but there a few things I would go back and edit a little bit. Overall, I really wanted to read more. I wanted to know a little bit more. You did a good job of catching your reader and making them want more.
I love your storybook idea! I read part of the Celtic unit this semester and was enthralled, but I don’t think I ever finished it. You are such a great writer, and I love the little touches that you’ve included that add that note of authenticity. The Irish endearments were an amazing idea that really adds to the story in a special way.
Have you ever read any of Karen Marie Moning’s book series? She has a Highlander series and a Fever series that are both centered on the Fae myths. They are very good romance novels, especially if you like the Fae stories. Fever is a rather dark series, but it is still very good. You might look into them!
I am looking forward to reading the rest of your stories and am very excited to see how the story plays out. I think that it is amazing that you are writing them for your son. That’s so cool!
Oh my gosh I absolutely love your layout on your stories! I just got done with reading your story about drums. Let me tell you it is extremely gratifying seeing all of your sentences broken up. I also need to mention that your pictures were amazing. It truly speaks to me the way your story is. What I mean is that it helps me visualize everything.
Secondly, I love how creative you were with the use of drum terminology. You used words like staccato and it was a breath of fresh air for me. I have always been a music guy and it helps me when people talk in a way I understand.
Thirdly, this story was so creative! From the start to finish I was amazed at the intricacies in the words you chose. It made the story have a very elegant feel. Keep up the good work Kalin!
Hi Kalin! Your website looks lovely! Just a quick note to let you know to add a label "Comment Wall" to this post so that it will show up in your navigation and people will be able to find it easily. :-)
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I want to say is that the illustration on the home page of your Storybook is really beautiful! The use of detail and lighting is phenomenal. I will say though, the little girl hiding behind Titania looks really out of place. She is almost cartoon like against the other figures. I wonder why she was depicted s differently. You made a good choice in selecting this picture.
ReplyDeleteYour introduction did a really nice job of preparing the reader for your stories to come. It definitely had me interested in knowing what happens to the children that are taken and those who seem different. It also makes me wonder why these magical beings disappeared and are now suddenly reemerging! I really hope that question will get answered in one of your stories. Great job! I’m interested to see what stories you will be telling through the course of the rest of the semester!
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reply! This painting illustrates a scene from Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream. The dark skinned character is actually an abducted Indian child replaced by a changeling. In this scene, Titania is refusing to hand over the child to Oberon.
DeleteI chose your story to read because I like the name Jamie, which is a good thing I read it because it is a really good story. I do feel like you might be able to elaborate more on the creatures like the Fae and Banshee. If you could give a deeper description, it could give us a mental image while we read. This is something you could do in the stories to follow, so its ok to leave the descriptions out in the introduction. I know banshees are supposed to be really horrifying creatures, so giving vivid descriptions in the following stories can really give us a scary mental image of how they look like.
ReplyDeleteI really look forward to reading your stories because I like to read stories about creatures like banshees. I also look forward to seeing what Jamie has to do to find the missing children.
I really liked the photo that you included on the homepage of your Storybook site. It goes well with the layout and the story itself. I think you made a good choice with that. On the intro, I noticed a small error. It was in the sentence that started “While Jamie's life may not have been the lavish.” I really like the use of the word “nary.” It went well with the vibe of the story. Another suggestion I have is to change the spacing. The line spacing within the paragraphs are fine, but there are huge chunks of space between the paragraphs. Again, I think that you made a good choice with the image. The image on the introduction fits really well with the rest of the site and the general color scheme. I wish it was at the top of the page though. It seems a bit hidden at the bottom of the page.
ReplyDeleteHey Kalin,
ReplyDeleteI thought you did an amazing job. Your introduction had me hooked. It was rather spooky, but in a way that will captivate your audience. I was very interested in where your story was going and couldn't stop reading. I liked how you used old time-y words in your story. This added more of a connection to the time the story took place. Your images are also awesome. The one of the little boy encountering a mystical creature perfectly summed up your story. And the other image was gorgeous.
I sure do love me a good mystery to solve! While reading the introduction I was thinking to myself how interesting it was, and the descriptions helped make that possible. "Nary a day passed that he didn’t" I wasn't sure if you wanted to change that or not, and then I looked it up to make sure it was not a misspelling. Not sure if it is just me or if there will be more people who think that. I liked the colors of the website, and the font was easy to read. I think the simpler things are the more you can focus on the stories being told. The little boy in the picture you chose is perfect. He looks to me like he is really curious and wants to know more from the lady. I really look forward to reading some of the stories, and finding out how they solve the mystery.
ReplyDeleteHello, Garrett!
ReplyDeleteI am really impressed with your storybook so far! Your writing style is extremely well suited for the subject matter, as was your word choice throughout. I particularly liked the first paragraph introducing the main character. You painted a wonderful image of a happy, well-loved little boy in a very subtle and sophisticated way. This description was juxtaposed nicely with the image of the troubles afflicting the village. You detailed what was going on without giving too much away, making me even more interested in what comes next.
There were a couple of missing commas, but you may have been doing that for stylistic purposes. The only other thing I would consider changing is the line about sailors disappearing. You follow that with “even more unsettling were the disappearances”, which just seems slightly repetitive since you already mentioned some of them. You could probably change it to deaths of the sailors or disappearances in the village (as opposed to on the sea)—that would eliminate some of the repetitive feel.
Overall, really nicely done!
Thanks for the tips Mad. By the way, my name is Kalin. Garrett is my son!
DeleteI would have thought your name was Garret also from the title of your storybook. Makes more since now after reading your author's note about you writing these stories for your son. To me it is so cool that you are writing your stories so your son can read them later and be able to relate to some of the people. Now to the story, I think you did an awesome job detailing everything. You set the story up perfectly for more stories to follow. The words you used that were not every day words just added to the story that much more. The only thing I would look at changing is how close you have the sentences together since they are all on separate lines. I am looking forward to reading part 2, and the end of the storybook also to see if and how Conner is found. I am assuming he is found just because you said Jamie is the hero in the author’s note.
ReplyDeleteKalin! First of all, I can’t believe I haven’t stumbled onto any of your stories yet this semester; it’s crazy to think that even after ten weeks I still haven’t read through all of the blogs/portfolios/storybooks. Next, I was really touched by your storybook. It is so touching that you have dedicated the whole storybook to your son and the hope that one day he will come to read it and appreciate all of the work you put into its creation. I think there comes a point in everyone’s life when they need to be reaffirmed by those who hold dear becomes prominent. Everyone goes through hard times and I think your son will really appreciate this when that time comes. Beyond that, your storybook is incredibly well thought out and designed. I loved all of the pictures you chose—how ethereal and mystical they all looked—as well as really enjoyed ho the story flowed together with all of the mystical implications of both fairies and monsters. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate how thought out your stories are. It is also adorable that you are writing them for your son for when he is older. I really liked how you divided certain stories up, it made it easier to read. You are an awesome writer. Your descriptions are great and really paint a picture for your audience to follow along. Your son is very lucky to have a parent that does this for him. Your picture choices are amazing. I am fascinated and intrigued by all of them. Keep up the awesome work and I can't wait to see what you come up with next!
ReplyDeleteAll I can really say is yes! I loved your introduction and first story a ton. You break up the text so well with or without pictures. I like that because I have trouble reading line to line of text pushed together. I actually am not sure how that became the predominant form of writing.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, Your pictures were great too! The animals and settings you displayed gave me great visuals in my head to think about how the scene was happening.
Oh and your titles for each section were awesome too! I would read them and then instantly think "I wonder what that means will happen?"
So, overall I give your creativity and A for sure. I say this because when I was reading I was thinking of how I might be able to use some of your techniques in my writing. So, thank you and great job on your story> I know was mostly about visual stuff, but the story was great too!
I really enjoyed the way you provided Persephone’s thoughts. It is a nice way to give commentary that definitely adds to the story. I found it interesting that you portrayed her as lonely and bored, but not necessarily as unhappy. You pose the question, “why would anyone come here?” Seeing that made me really makes me wonder how they got there as well. It seems like something interesting to explore. It caught my attention that you used a different spelling. I’ve never seen the ferryman’s name as “Kharon.” I found it really interesting that Persephone couldn’t help Psyche get past Cerberus. It made me wonder why. There aren’t very many mistakes, but there a few things I would go back and edit a little bit. Overall, I really wanted to read more. I wanted to know a little bit more. You did a good job of catching your reader and making them want more.
ReplyDeleteWrong storybook?
DeleteThanks, Kalin! The Persephone Storybook is Jenny's... I will copy the comment over there!
DeleteI love your storybook idea! I read part of the Celtic unit this semester and was enthralled, but I don’t think I ever finished it. You are such a great writer, and I love the little touches that you’ve included that add that note of authenticity. The Irish endearments were an amazing idea that really adds to the story in a special way.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever read any of Karen Marie Moning’s book series? She has a Highlander series and a Fever series that are both centered on the Fae myths. They are very good romance novels, especially if you like the Fae stories. Fever is a rather dark series, but it is still very good. You might look into them!
I am looking forward to reading the rest of your stories and am very excited to see how the story plays out. I think that it is amazing that you are writing them for your son. That’s so cool!
Thank you for the book recommendations. I haven't read anything form Moning but I'll add it to my goodreads list.
DeleteOh my gosh I absolutely love your layout on your stories! I just got done with reading your story about drums. Let me tell you it is extremely gratifying seeing all of your sentences broken up. I also need to mention that your pictures were amazing. It truly speaks to me the way your story is. What I mean is that it helps me visualize everything.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I love how creative you were with the use of drum terminology. You used words like staccato and it was a breath of fresh air for me. I have always been a music guy and it helps me when people talk in a way I understand.
Thirdly, this story was so creative! From the start to finish I was amazed at the intricacies in the words you chose. It made the story have a very elegant feel. Keep up the good work Kalin!